There’s nothing quite like it…
There’s no comparison to that gut wrenching, earth shattering feeling of your heart collapsing in on itself in a state of defeat.
It hurts doesn’t it?
But ‘hurt’ doesn’t quite cut it…
Because it is beyond any hurt you’ve ever experienced.
No amount of pain has ever felt so agonising or so concentrated.
It feels inescapable.
Your every thought is consumed with the shock of what you can’t quite believe has happened.
Your guard was down. Your heart wide open. Your mind distracted with distorted thoughts of what could have been…
But now it’s over.
And it’s hard.
Because all you’re left with is an implosion inside you, hollowing out the love that once filled you up, and it seems like it will never get any better.
It feels like nothing you do will ease the pain that overwhelms you.
No amount of distraction, dating new people, wallowing over sad movies, favourite TV shows, buckets of ice cream, nothing will ever heal your heartbreak.
But I have to ask…
Is that really true?
Is there absolutely no recovery from heartbreak?
Or is there a possibility that maybe one day, sometime, you might be able to mend this feeling you’re experiencing?
It’s true that in some cases it may never go away completely, because sometimes the feeling of true love never really leaves us, but of course there is a way that you can heal.
It’s not impossible (although it may feel like that right now).
So how do you do it?
How can you start to recover when you feel like your life is imploding?
You start by accepting what has happened.
What’s done is done.
In most cases the hardest part of dealing with heartbreak is actually coming to terms with it and accepting what has happened.
I’ve seen people take months, even years to truly accept that the relationship is over, and it’s very hard to watch.
Of course, when your heart is broken it is completely natural to want to hold onto the memory of how you felt before your world fell apart, but it is not helping you in the long run.
So the first step to recovering from heartbreak is to begin to accept what has happened, that the situation has changed, and that things will be different from now on.
This may hurt to think about, but you will be OK.
This is only the first step to feeling better, and it is one of the hardest, but in order to recover it is a vital step you must take to truly move on.
You must acknowledge how you’re feeling.
Be kind to yourself and allow your feelings to be whatever they are.
Don’t worry about how you think you should be reacting, feeling, adjusting – whatever. Feel however you need to feel, just allow yourself the courtesy of dealing with this in your own way.
Sometimes it helps to do things that allow your feelings to come out in a comfortable environment – like watching a sad movie, writing down your thoughts, or listening to songs that bring up certain emotions you feel you need to deal with.
I don’t know about you, but I quite often live too much inside my head, so actually writing down how I’m feeling is very therapeutic for me because it allows me to get it all out and process what I’m dealing with. It is also interesting to look back years later at what you wrote and remember how you felt at that time (because no doubt you will be in a completely different mindset by then).
And remember that emotional damage is no different to physical damage – it needs time to heal. The only thing with emotional damage is that it’s not always visible, so people won’t necessarily understand the pain you’re going through so it is ok to be honest about how you’re feeling.
Once you have accepted what has happened and acknowledged how you’re feeling, the healing process will begin slowly, sometimes without you even realising it.
Things will eventually start to get a little easier.
You’ll be able to listen to a song that reminds you of them without falling apart.
You’ll be able to think of them and maybe even smile about what you once had.
You may even be able to bump into them around town and not completely breakdown at the thought of it.
But if you do not give yourself time to fully complete these first two steps, then those scenarios will never be ok because you’re not allowing yourself the time or effort required to truly heal.
It’s true that “when you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you know you have healed.” – Unknown.
Once you have done this, you can then start to look forward.
Healthy distractions are a must here.
It’s time to start putting YOU first.
How often do you allow someone else to be responsible for YOUR happiness?
It’s time to make yourself happy – because you deserve to be happy.
What are some activities you can do that you enjoy? Goals you want to achieve? Places you’ve always wanted to go? New people you can meet?
As important as it is to give yourself time to grieve, you must never allow yourself to become consumed by this grief.
You must start looking forward. Where do you want to go, what do you want to do, who do you want to meet etc.
“Don’t forget that you’re human, it’s ok to have a meltdown, just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you’re headed.”- Unknown.
One of the most important pieces of advice I have ever given a friend, was that – although it may feel like the end of the world right now, and you may think you’ll never feel this way for anyone else, I promise you this is not the case.
Your mind has a way of making you believe things that aren’t necessarily true.
How can you honestly say that there is not one other person out there that you could really fall for?
You have not met everyone in the world. You have not known the majority of the population. There are still millions – sorry, billions – of people unknown to you right now… so please don’t make the mistake of thinking there will never be anyone else out there for you!
It’s a hard thought to process but you have absolutely no idea how tomorrow will go, what next week will look like, even the rest of today!
You could bump into someone on the way to work in a weeks’ time who completely changes your life.
Or a year from now you could be on holiday and meet someone who you feel more strongly towards than anyone you’ve ever met before.
You never know?
Heartbreak is horrible, it’s true – I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
But there is a way through it.
You will be OK.
It’s just a matter of time.
So look after yourself, take time to heal, then start to look forward and get excited about what is to come.
If you’d like to learn more about dealing with emotions, relationships, and self-improvement, come along to our next event – find out more here.