Did you know something as simple as how you shop can cause arguments and impact your relationships?
The first thing my partner ALWAYS says to me when we’re heading to the shopping mall…
“Ok so, what are we shopping for today Melissa?”
“Ah, we need a new microwave.” I reply.
‘Great! (he says to himself in his head), So we’ll grab a microwave from the store and get out and I’ll be able to start working on my car by lunchtime.’
Meanwhile in my head… ‘Hmm I wonder if they have any of those new iPhones out yet, I’m keen to try them out and see if they’re worth the money? Oh, and our dining chairs are so bloody uncomfortable I wonder if they have any nice ones that are more spongey to sit on?’
This is how it starts…
I used to wonder why my partner and I would almost always end up fighting when we went shopping together.
Was it a male thing? He just hates shopping?
No – I know there are men who enjoy looking round the mall.
So, was it a money thing? He just doesn’t want to spend any money?
No – He’s incredibly generous and will often pay for things while we’re out.
So, what is it? Is it us? It must be…
We must not be ‘compatible’.
Dramatic, I know, but this is where my head would go every time we’d end up storming out of the mall after arguing about something as silly as a microwave.
It got to the point where we decided not to go shopping together anymore, it was just too stressful.
(A decision he was quite happy about might I add – me, not so much).
If only I knew what the real reason for our fighting was.
You see, what I didn’t realise was that we just have different communication styles.
What does that have to do with shopping you ask?
Well, our different communication styles (our DOTS), have different ways of going shopping or buying from people.
Purple DOTS = they can be frustrating to go shopping with if you want to take your time and look around because a Purple DOT knows what they want, buys it, then leaves.
Yellow DOTS = are almost the total opposite. They want to inspect everything precisely and in detail. Then they compare what they’re trying on with an image in their head of what’s in their wardrobe at home to make sure it matches.
Red DOTS = don’t like wasting time BUT they will invest time shopping if necessary, to get the right stuff at the best price. They’re bargain hunters.
Blue DOTS = like to feel everything. The material, how it fits, how they feel in it, it’s all about comfort for them. So, you’ll see them walking down the aisles touching all the materials as they go, and they will ONLY buy something if it feels good and is a comfortable fit.
Why does this matter?
Well, when I first learnt this during my training a light-bulb came on in my head.
That’s why we argued!
My partner was shopping in Purple, I was shopping in Blue and Red.
He was already 10 steps ahead of me. In his mind he knew what we needed, knew where to get it from and was already thinking about his next task for the day before we’d even entered the shop.
Purple DOTS can do this because they’re Visionists >> they’re future focused, always thinking about what’s next.
Whereas I was a bit more relaxed, enjoying being out and about and figured we may as well look around while we’re there so that I can try things out for myself.
It wasn’t anything personal – we were just in different shopping styles.
It wasn’t that we weren’t ‘compatible’, we just had different ways of doing things.
We had different priorities.
And that’s ok.
There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in this situation, there’s just ‘different’.
And once we learnt that, and understood how we each operate, we were able to talk about it and find what works for us.
That’s the ‘sweet spot’ in any relationship.
Understanding what the other person needs from you, what you need from them, and how you can work together better in order to succeed.
Learn about your styles = find your ‘win-win’.
– Happy shopping!
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